Human Sausage

pexels-photo-1098769A well worn saying claims that if you like laws and sausages, you should never watch either one being made. When you see what goes into making some things, it can really spoil the enjoyment. The same should be said about the complexities of trying to help some children at risk. Most people have no idea how frustratingly difficult kindness can sometimes be. What is a beautiful, loving, and positive thing on the outside, is grinding and painful once you see what goes on in the background.

I’m aware of, or involved with, a few examples of bureaucratic quagmire that are currently taking place in order for good people to help children in need. There obviously needs to be laws in place to guide and protect children at risk, but what happens when those children, through no fault of their own, land just outside of the parameters of the laws created to protect them in the first place?

There are two couples that I’m aware of that have jumped through ridiculous hoops and accomplished something that is very rare. Two different American couples have adopted children in Mexico, including one boy with special needs. There were lengthy, expensive, complicated procedures, interviews, background checks, etc. It’s not unlike adopting in the US, but both these couples accomplished something everyone said was impossible. These children have been legally adopted; in the eyes of the law, they are the children of these two adoptive families. After this complicated and frustrating process is when the bureaucracy kind of caves in on itself.

Although these children have been adopted, they are not US citizens. They can not legally enter the US. Everyone wants to help them, but this situation is so rare there is no system in place on the US side to recognize them as adopted. These families are stuck in a weird place not being able to bring their own children home. There is just no path set up for visas in this situation, no forms to fill out, no appeal process, this falls JUST outside the system. Even professional US immigration attorneys are at a loss. Good people are doing great things who are getting ground up in the system designed to help. Human Sausage.

The next example is even more complicated; Two sweet young sisters, one fourteen, one fifteen, are currently in Tijuana. One of them is pregnant through assault. They escaped abuse in their home country and traveled across Mexico alone with many of the migrants hoping for a better life in the US. They are now living in a crowded migrant center in Tijuana. Many people in our area want to help them but are stuck in a bureaucratic maze. Several local orphanages wish to take them in and help them, but technically they are not in Mexico legally, so helping these girls puts the orphanage licensing at risk. The local child protective service wants to help them but since there is no paperwork the government workers don’t know what to do, and they are not chartered to help foreign children. Politicians and highly placed government workers from both the US and Mexico are aware of the girls’ situation but have been unable to find a way through the dozen agencies involved in “protecting” these girls. The girls have shelter, they are being fed, but none of it is legal. A situation has come up where these girls fall JUST outside the system designed to help the children who fall through the cracks of society. Human Sausage.

Talk to anyone who works in foster-care in the US. You will generally find good people doing their best to help children, often handcuffed and frustrated by a mountain of bureaucratic roadblocks that grow larger every month. Many children are helped; some fall through the cracks. Human sausage being ground up by the system.

The point of this rambling complaint is to encourage you to support those who battle the system every day to help the children who society has left behind. Until you’re in the middle of working to help children, you have no idea how soul-crushing it can be some days.

The second point of this ramble is, strangely enough, meant to encourage those who are in the middle of these types of frustrating circumstance. Please know you are not alone. What you’re doing is worth the headaches, the lost sleep, the skipped vacations used to help others who’ve fallen through every last safety net society has in place. Keep it up; it matters.

If you can get past the idea of what goes into the making of sausage, you know how enjoyable and unrecognizable the end product can be. All of the grinding, at the end of the day, changes lives. Keep it up.

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What About Dad?

50984016_10216681108634208_1859912021047246848_o.jpgFather, dad, pops, whatever word you use for the male parent in your life, it can bring up deep and complicated emotions. Our earthly father, and our relationship with him, for good or bad, will influence us for our entire lives. When you’re dealing with an orphaned or abandoned child, this can be profoundly complicated. Where does their security, and definition of fatherhood, come from?

It’s the rare movie scene that causes almost every male to tear up, the end of Field of Dreams is one of those scenes. When Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner) plays catch with his dad as the sun sets it will squeeze a tear out of almost any man. That moment of healing between a father and son, the symbolic act of the “catch” as something is passed between them is powerful. There is just something about the relationship we have with our father that is universal. It’s not always great. Eventually, we realize that our parents are just flawed individuals like everyone else, but that relationship will brand us and follow us. It is reflected in the way we live out our lives, and how we parent our own children.

My wife and I were blessed with great fathers; men who lived as faithful providers, good examples, and loving husbands. They both lived by a defined moral compass. Although we’ve both lost our fathers over the last few years, their influence remains and continues to guide us. There are many things I remember fondly about my dad. He lived in a precise and consistent way: same job his whole adult life, ate dinner at the same time every night followed by the evening news, we were at church EVERY Sunday in the same pew. His temperament never changed; he was a rock. The worst I ever heard him cuss was the occasional “ah hell.” He gave me my love of Steinbeck novels, fine woodworking, and classical music. He made me who I am and I miss him deeply.

For any of us, our relationship with our earthly father is intertwined and woven together with our image of who our Heavenly Father is. Grace, acceptance, stability, discipline, love, all of the emotions and attributes we believe about our God are viewed through a window tinted by the image of our earthly father. Our heavenly Father is perfect; our earthly fathers are flawed. For many people, believing in a perfect Father after being abandoned or abused by their earthly father takes many years of healing, if it happens at all.

Restoring the image of a healthy father figure is essential to the long-term healing of a child who has been orphaned or abandoned. This restoration does not happen over-night, and it needs to been done with great care. Whether you’re caring for a child in an orphanage, one in foster care, or one you’ve adopted, this healing of the father image needs to happen if the child is ever going to grow into a healthy adult. It’s also critical if a child is going to have a healthy image of who God is.

If a child, especially a male child, does not have a male showing what a healthy person is, they will seek out whatever examples they can to see how to live their lives. I’ve seen this happen to young men who are raised in poorly run orphanages. They leave home and have no history of a strong male example to draw from as they make life decisions. How to act as a man of God, how to treat women with respect, how to walk with dignity. They spend much of their lives approaching life, and relationships, in a broken way. Their marriages fail, their faith never matures, and they’re left with finding their way in life from an unhealthy stew of input from wherever they can find it.

I do not believe the healing of the father image happens in counseling or “quality time,” although both of these things play a part. Healing takes time. A lot of time. Years of consistent healthy male examples in the life of a child. A child needs to watch healthy men of God living out their lives on a day to day basis. They need to watch healthy decisions, reactions, and actions take place for many years for the healing to take place. By seeing a solid male in action, showing grace, stability, guidance, love, and acceptance, a child can begin to understand who God is. Much more than we can ever realize, although we are flawed, we represent who God is to our children. We need to truly take on the image of Christ if we are to have a hand in the healing of broken children.

A few days ago, I was at a BBQ with several of the orphaned children (now adults) who were raised in our home. Midway through the party, I watched as a great young man, now married with three children, patiently and slowly showed his attentive eight-year-old son the proper way to season and grill steak. This might seem like a simple act, but I watched this man represent what it means to father someone, and show the patient guiding hand that our heavenly Father represents (The steak was pretty good also).

If you’re caring for orphaned or abandoned children stay the course. Healing doesn’t happen quickly. Continue to live a life representing who our Heavenly Father is. You are being watched more than you realize, they will follow your example.

The above photo is of Ramon Reid and his son. Ramon knows what putting fatherhood into action is all about. We need more men like Ramon in this world.

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Why There Will Always Be Orphan Care

poorchildI recently had a conversation with someone who follows orphan care, and he made a statement that led to an interesting discussion. He claimed orphanages were ending in parts of the world. That many of the children were moving into foster care or larger care facilities. “So…into an orphanage?” I responded. “No, they are homes for children without other options.” He enthusiastically clarified. “So…orphanages?” “No no no,” he protested, “just big houses to care for children.” “So…orphanages?” We did not get far in the conversation. Calling an orphanage something different does not change the fact that it’s a system to care for kids who are abused, abandoned, or orphaned. If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and has feathers, calling it a banana does not change the fact that it’s a duck.

I wish orphanages did not exist. The fact that society needs a place for children born into horrible situations, who are abused, who have parents on drugs, is terrible. That wars, aids, and natural disasters happen every day leaving children to fend for themselves, is a fact that needs to be addressed. We live in a broken world. We, as a society, fail children way too often. Until we live in a perfect world, kids will be victims, and they need to be rescued and cared for.

To say that we should close all orphanages because children should be with families is a worthy goal, but it’s not living in reality. It’s like saying let’s close all the hospitals in the US because the billing system is a nightmare. “But if everyone worked out, lost weight, and quit smoking, we wouldn’t need hospitals!” If you could get everyone to look after their health more, we could cut down on hospitals, but cancer, accidents, etc. would still make hospitals a necessity for many people. Even the healthiest people age and eventually wind up in the hospital. You could make inroads, but ending hospitals because you don’t like hospitals makes no sense. It just isn’t reality. The idea of ending orphanages is just as crazy.

There has been a tremendous push in the last few years for the church to take up the biblical call to care for orphans through adoption and quality foster care. This is fantastic. Everyone who can, should be caring for the less fortunate, the marginalized, those who can’t care for themselves. The problem is, even if adoption doubled or tripled in most countries it would just begin to address the problem. Inroads could be made to address the issue, but to eliminate orphanages does not take into account the many situations where adoption or other placement is very difficult or impossible.

The latest estimates say there are 150 million orphaned or abandoned children in the world. If a child is in a system, orphanage or foster care, they have a 2% chance of being adopted. Adoption is not a reality for most children who need it. Adoption, when done right, is a beautiful, biblical, life-changing event. But adoptions are just too rare to make any real impact on the vast majority of children who need a home.

Orphanages should be the last resort after healthy family reunification, adoption, or some style of foster care. But countless children still need attention after all other options are exhausted. Severe special needs children, children with multiple siblings, or children with extreme behavior issues are complicated to place. There are also many children left in limbo because the parents are still in the picture in some way but can not (or should not) care for their children. Parents in prison or parents dealing with substance abuse might take their children back when or if healing does take place.

So given that orphanages need to exist, they should be outstanding. Back to the hospital analogy; I’m not crazy about hospitals, but if I’m in one, I want it to be the best hospital possible. Orphanages should be beautiful, inviting places. Orphanages should give the children as much stability, attention, and love as they possibly can. Around the world, so many children are left in systems that, due to lack of funding or lack of caring, are horrific places to grow up. We need to do better.

If you’ve adopted or have worked in foster care, THANK YOU. Keep up the difficult work you’ve been called to do. If you work in orphan care, thank you for being the last line of defense before children wind up on the streets. It’s a worthy calling.

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Kicking a Child Out of an Orphanage

cryingAt what point do you kick a child out of an orphanage? Last week I received a call from a new, well run orphanage with this very question. Yes, it does happen. The single hardest decision we make as a home is: at what point do you “give up?” At what point do you remove a child from an orphanage?

I still remember the first child we moved out of our home over twenty years ago. Sergio was about twelve; he was a terror child. I liked him, everybody did, and in his case, that was part of the problem. He was smart, well liked, a natural leader. The problem was, he was using all his natural gifts in the wrong ways. He could manipulate anyone, break into any building, get the other kids into trouble to shift blame, he was brilliant. He was also half our headaches. Incredibly foul language, stealing whenever possible, and leading others into trouble was Sergio’s full-time job. He was very good at his job.

We tried everything to shift Sergio’s efforts. Counseling, grounding, extra projects, more counseling, prayer, moving him into new dorms, etc. I still remember when we decided to kick him out, to give up and move him to another orphanage. I remember him pleading with me for a second (40th?) chance. His tearful begging to stay in our home as we loaded him into a car is permanently seared into my memory. For many days and weeks I second guessed our decision: “Did we do the right thing?” But, almost immediately after he left, it was like a heavy blanket of oppression was lifted off our home. The stress level dropped way down, the darkness lifted, the other children seemed incredibly relieved, joy returned to our home: we had made the right call for the home. But, did we make the right call for Sergio?

Sometimes a child just doesn’t fit. For whatever reason, not every orphanage, or family, is the best fit for every child in need. It’s not talked about a lot, but even in adoptions, sometimes it does not work, and a child winds up back in the system. Truly incredible, loving couples sometimes just cannot break through the walls and challenges of a wounded child. There are many stories of “failed” adoptions where the children are sent back. We’ve received children back after an adoption goes sideways. It’s easy to judge a couple for giving a child back until you’ve walked a few weeks or months in their shoes. Until you’ve lived with a violent child, who does not respond to the best, loving efforts, you cannot understand. People are messy.

It’s taken me years to reach a semi-peace with the fact that not every child “fits” every home. In the case of the orphanage who called me recently, it was an easy call: “Move the child NOW.” This new orphanage is just starting out, and the government sent them a young child with autism, this home does not have the training, nor ready for the challenges, that an autistic child brings to the table. It’s not fair to the home, the staff, and most importantly the child. This child needs special attention, and people with the calling and training to raise them in the best way possible. Many times, moving a child out of home can be the best thing for the child, if they wind up in a situation better suited for their particular needs.

Think of a church. Could you grow as a Christian in a church that was not comfortable or a good fit for you? We each need to find a church, school, medical center, whatever, that best fits our needs at a particular place in our lives. This does not mean that a church or school is “bad” or has failed, it just says that they are helping people in ways that don’t fit our needs. People each have different areas and wounds that need addressing; we can not be all things to all people and do it well. There are many specialty orphanages: deaf children, autistic children, HIV positive, etc. that are the perfect fit for specific children. Some homes do better with rebellious teens, children with attachment issues, etc. Not every child fits every home. That is OK. It is so much better to realize this and act on it than force a child to be raised in a place that cannot give them all that they need to grow into healthy adults.

A couple of times a year now, we choose to move a child to another orphanage. Several times a year, we take in children that have been removed from other orphanages. It occasionally takes a few moves until a child finds a home that fits their specific needs, history, and temperament. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it’s just finding the right “fit” for a child.

A few years ago a car pulled onto our property and Sergio, the child we had kicked out years ago stepped out. Sergio had grown up and moved on with his life. He brought his wife and two children back to show them where he had lived for a few years. Sergio came over and, to my great surprise, thanked me for kicking him out. He told us that it was the wake-up call he needed to turn his life around. He landed in a smaller home, with much tighter discipline that he desperately needed. It was a good day.

If you run an orphanage, take in foster children, or run a school, please realize you can not help in every situation. You have gifts, callings, and talents that can impact specific children. Keep up the efforts, and reach those you can. You’re already doing more than most people ever dream about.

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Breaking the Cycle of Orphan Care

IMG_7507 2Most of the time, orphan care seems like a losing game. The bulk of the time it just doesn’t work the way we envision it. Often, a child is brought to a home with so much baggage that it’s almost impossible to help them reach a healing place emotionally. Frequently, a child is in an orphanage (or foster care) for a short period and then returned to the family, and the cycle of abuse or neglect continues. Orphan care can be a discouraging, heart-wrenching journey. But it can work some of the time. The times orphan care does work makes all of the other times worth it.

Recently, two great young adults married. Weddings go on all the time, but this marriage was a little different. Both had been raised in an orphanage. For reasons that aren’t important here, they were each brought to an orphanage with other siblings at a very young age. They were raised in this large home, and it was the only family that they knew for many years. They grew up independently, she going on with her education, him apprenticing in construction and learning various marketable trades. After they were out and on their own, they started dating and continued to make healthy life decisions as they planned for the future. A few years later, once she graduated, and he had established his own successful construction firm, they decided to marry. Today they are constructing their own home and building a wonderful life together. They’re a joy to be around. Granted I am biased; I so am proud to call Jerri and Yury two of my many children.

So how did these two beat the odds of becoming healthy productive adults while being raised in the system? I’m not saying we have all the answers, and I’m not saying every child brought to us has the same outcome, but it can work. We have found that many of the children raised in our home for years have gone on to be healthy productive members of society. Today there are doctors, lawyers, businessmen, many healthy individuals that can look back and say they were raised in an orphanage. It can work.

Many factors go into what makes a successful orphanage, even defining what “successful” means can get complicated. But, there are two factors that we’ve found to be the most impactful for children who need long-term care and healing.

1) Consistency. We all need a stable environment. Most children in the system anywhere in the world are moved to new homes, returned to blood relatives and then removed again, moved to another home, etc. If we each had to change homes, schools, friends, churches, etc. every month or two we would have some serious issues also. Constantly shifting living arrangements is not how people are designed to live and grow. God is consistent; He does not change. We all need a certain level of security in our lives. Over time, we’ve found that children given a loving, consistent upbringing will eventually learn what it means to feel comfortable, to know they are loved and wanted. We all need this.

Part of consistency is building traditions into our lives — the same activities for the holidays, the traditional meals, celebrations, and events that occur annually. The simple rituals that happen in most families: birthday cakes, the tooth fairy, etc. almost never occur in the lives of children who are in the system. They never know what the next week will bring, they don’t know what to look forward to. We need to be consistent in our care and model stability in these fragile lives.

2) A Servant’s Heart. We are designed to serve others. Most child-care systems never give the children the privilege of serving others. Children are fed and cared for, but a life of just receiving is an empty life. It also creates a victim mentality that does not make for healthy relationships in adulthood. By allowing children to experience the joy of serving others, it gives them purpose. When a child is abused or abandoned it can be hard to show them they have value. When a child has been thrown away, it teaches them at a profound level that they have no worth. By showing them they that can have a positive impact on others, it shows them they have great things to offer the world. Service shows them they have value. Service shows them God wants to use them to impact other people’s lives in a positive way.

An attitude of service makes us all healthier. It makes us better workers, bosses, spouses; it just makes us better people. Christ’s example to us is a perfect servants heart. We need to not only follow that example ourselves, but we also need to instill that humble servant’s heart in the children we are raising. A humble servant heart is the most empowering gift you can give a child. It will heal them, and change them for the better.

Does orphan care always have a happy ending? No. But it can work. Even in the cases where we feel it’s failed, we need to know that the seeds we plant in the hurting children we encounter are what matters. Those seeds can grow down the road; they can impact lives. If you are in orphan-care, please know your work matters a great deal. Your efforts are needed, work through the discouraging times. It can work, hang on to the times when it does.

Best Orphanage Ever

When visiting orphanages, you never know what you’re going to find. There are some incredible orphanages. There are more than a few horrible orphanages, most land in the fuzzy middle doing the best they can with the skills and resources at hand. Every now and then I come across an orphanage that shifts my perception of what an orphanage can be.

Several years ago I was asked to go and evaluate an orphanage in Tijuana. This happens from time to time, a US group wants to help an orphanage, but they would like an outside opinion first. My wife and I made an appointment with the director and hit the road to do an evaluation.

As we followed the directions and got closer and closer to the location, we kept turning to each other and saying “This can’t be right. Please tell me this is not the right location.” We were driving through twisting dusty hills into one of the worst areas in Tijuana. We finally found the “street,” it was just a very rocky dirt alley leading up to a ramshackle two-story apartment building with a couple of mangy dogs asleep outside. As we stepped out of our car we were hit by the stew of smells that are produced when too many people are living in too small an area: a mix of burning trash, poorly built septic systems, greasy food, and spilled motor oil. The sounds matched the smells: dogs barking, a rooster crowing nearby, some loud ranchero music playing down the street with too much bass, you get the idea.

The director met us and brought us inside. The orphanage cared for about 12 children in a tiny two bedroom apartment downstairs from a drug dealer. There was so little room inside that they had set up a homework and play area in a 20ft x20ft dirt yard with a tarp strung across to create some shade. Their only van had been stolen two days before we got there. The furniture and flooring were well-worn, many years past what most people would use. What happened in the next 20 minutes would shift my perception and priorities when it comes to orphanage management. It also shifted my understanding and definition of what poverty is, versus a poverty mentality, and what it means to bloom in whatever situation you land.

I encountered joy.

Although the apartment was tiny and overcrowded, it was immaculate and welcoming. The children each came over to shake my hand and thanked me for coming. We heard about their focus on education as a few of the children showed off their homework. They laughed as they shared of the ways they found to stretch their rice and beans diet. While I was there, one of the girls was carefully ironing each school uniform so they would be presentable and polished for the following school day. Although they might have been poor in a material sense, the had a dignity about them that showed a wealth beyond what most people experience.

In that home, we met a healthy, enjoyable, inspiring group of people. You could feel the affection the children had for the directors, and see the love and caring attitude the directors had for the children. Through the leadership of that home, the challenges of living in those circumstances forged an incredible family from the wounded children brought to them. It was deeply inspiring.

As we got back in the car, I turned to my wife and said, “That is the best home in Baja, including ours.” As we drove away, I called the group in California who had asked for the evaluation, and I surprised them with the strength of my opinions. My exact words were, “Throw money at this couple, give them anything they want.”

There are countless ways to judge an orphanage. Most people will look at programs, nutrition, maybe the quality of buildings or staff ratios. All of these things are important, but the most essential part of an orphanage is the heart and passion of the people running it. The same thing that makes a family healthy makes an orphanage healthy, the parents.

Frequently, the American mindset is: if there is a problem with an orphanage (or almost any situation) give more money to the problem. This does not help long-term in many cases. Yes, money is needed to run an orphanage, but if the leadership is dysfunctional or is leading from the wrong motivations, it will just be a dysfunctional orphanage that eats and dresses better. A dysfunctional church with a lot of money is still a dysfunctional church. A dysfunctional family with money is still a dysfunctional family.

Think of the families in your circles. My guess is there is very little correlation between material wealth and an emotionally healthy family. In most families, once the basics are covered, adding more “stuff” really doesn’t add quality of life. We all know happy, close, poorer families. We probably know some fairly dysfunctional families who have a great deal of money. The reverse can also be true, having money doesn’t make you dysfunctional, it just doesn’t guarantee functional either. Orphanages are just big families, it all comes down to mom and dad. Do they have a handle on things? Do they see the big picture? Are they healthy emotionally? Money can’t buy this.

You’re probably asking, “Whatever happened to that small orphanage? Today, many years later, they’ve moved to a much better location and the last I checked that have about 50 fortunate children in their care.

In orphanage work, or any ministry, always back solid leadership. Everything else is fluff.

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Crazy Cat Lady Orphanages

cat2People often don’t think about it, but orphanages tend to have distinct personalities. Some great, many not so great, but every orphanage has its quirks, weirdness, and oddities. Not unlike many churches: the legalistic one, the liberal one, those crazy charismatics, the one with the GREAT coffee, etc. Just like people tend to land in gray or shifting categories: the jock, the musician, the quiet guy, the goth girl. I’m sure you get the idea.

I’ve had the privilege to visit and/or help in a wide range of orphanages. The financially needy but well-run homes I love, the well funded but questionable homes are a big problem, the “family business” orphanages are hard to deal with, but the ones that are most frustrating are the “crazy cat lady orphanages.” The people with a big heart who can not say no to a child in need, they become overwhelmed, and everyone suffers. (In the future I might write more about the different styles of homes.)

I was talking with the leader of a national orphanage training organization, and I mentioned my observations. They smiled when I used the term “crazy cat lady,” they knew exactly what I was talking about. They responded, “Yup, and why is it always single females trying to save a hundred kids?” I had never noticed the single female part, but it was interesting that it wasn’t just me noticing this real problem in orphanage circles.

At first, most people would say, “Ahhh, sweet, what big hearts, they’ll help anyone.” But in reality, we all have limits; there is only so much any of us can do if we’re going to do it well. These homes are marked by the sheer number of kids they are trying to help, with little or no resources. One home in Tijuana had an odd reputation, the director had a huge heart, nice old lady, but she could not say “no” to anyone. She would take in any child brought to her. This sounds nice until you realize she didn’t have space, food, or staffing to care for the children she already had. She had resources for about 35 kids and usually housed 90. It was a nightmare. To make matters worse, if a women came to her from an abusive situation, she would “hire” the women to help care for the kids. Coming right out of abuse themselves, these women were not emotionally ready to care for 10,15, or 20 kids. These women could barely care for themselves. You see the problem.

Another time I was asked by a volunteer to consult with an orphanage about an hour away. She drove two other people and me into the hills of Tijuana, and we came up to a very sketchy area. We stopped and walked up to a three-story brick building that did not look too solid, with bars on the few windows it had. The building had one exit, one working toilet, the make-shift kitchen was on the first floor with the propane tank right next to the ancient stove (fire/death trap waiting to happen). I was given a tour and found about 50 children, filthy, lice-infested, no chance of an education. My first thought was, “These kids would be better off on the streets.” In speaking with the director, she said everything I feared: “I just can’t say no to a child in need.” “If only I had “X” I could do so much more.” She wasn’t asking for help with what she had; she wanted to build a huge building to care for 200 kids. The home had actually been shut down a few times by the government, but she kept moving to the next location and taking in new kids. Like a lady living with hundreds of cats, when the government removes the cats, a whole new crop shows up in the next few months. Crazy cat lady, but they hoard children instead of cats.

So what’s the point of discussing these challenging orphanages? Three points to consider:

1) Leadership matters. If someone has a big heart but does not have the skills to use it in the right way, it can lead to some complicated situations. Crazy cat lady orphanages are not run by bad people; they’re usually really great people, they just have some issues that get in the way of them being as effective as possible. Being truly self-aware is very rare, these people do not see the problems that are evident to all those around them. How we lead, and who we choose to follow, matters a great deal.

2) If you’re helping in an orphanage, or another ministry, like the ones described here, please be open to discussing the issue with the director in a loving, biblical way. First on your own, then with someone else. They may not listen, but you have an obligation to approach the issue in a healthy way.

3) If you are the “Crazy cat lady” in your area of ministry, learn that it’s OK to say no sometimes – give yourself a break. We need to know our limits. Most people probably don’t do enough to help those around them which isn’t good but trying to help everyone can be just as big a problem. No one can help everyone; we’re not called to. No one person can help every homeless person in their city. No one person can care for every foster child, this is OK, do what you can. Jesus did not help everyone; He helped those He could. He spent time alone, and He did the will of His Father, that is all we are asked to do.

Help, serve, give all you can. But it’s crucial to understand there is a balance and it’s so important to know your limits. A few less cats is not a bad thing.

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