Short term missions

Stop Hitting Kids With a Hammer

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hamerI recently went out to lunch with a friend from Thailand. He’s an American who moved there several years ago with his family to open an orphanage. Within a couple of years, he had a revelation and shifted his entire ministry from orphanage work to doing everything in his power to keep healthy families together, he is passionately anti-orphanage. We had a great time.

Now you might be asking why I would take the time to meet with someone who is working against what I’ve spent most of my life building. He’s never going to be a donor, he’s never going to “come around” and open an orphanage again. He knows we’re not closing down our home and we’re not a donor (he mainly travels for fundraising). So why do we make it a point to get together whenever we can? It’s an “iron sharpens iron” thing. We make each other better, we both understand that we are an important part of the eclectic mix of ways to care for at-risk children.

Most of the time if there is a serious issue people feel passionately about, there is very little room for them to look at it from a different angle. Once someone is set on their ideal, everyone else must be wrong. A short glance at most Facebook feeds is a good example. So many people are feverishly posting about their pet topic, while “un-friending” anyone who might disagree with them or have the nerve to question an opinion.

The problem is, in most of the larger issues plaguing society, there might be several answers to the same question. How do we help with the homeless situation? How do we address the opioid problem in the US? How do we improve education? Ask 20 different people these questions and you’ll get 20 different, frequently very strong, opinions. Maybe, just maybe, the answer is; we need several different answers and many of them might be right.

Every society has a percentage of children that wind up in the “system,” whatever that system might be. There have been orphaned and abandoned children for thousands of years and we still haven’t figured out what to do about it. Most countries shift over decades from orphanages to foster care, neither are great. Some policies push for keeping families together at all cost, this is frequently a nightmare for the child due to abuse or severe neglect. So what is the answer? We need it all. We need every tool in the box. We need to understand each child and situation is different and should be handled in its own way. This is NOT easy.

Keep families together: This is ideal, whenever a family is broken up it’s a horrible thing. Some families need a little push of coaching to keep it together. Maybe it’s marriage or financial counseling. Maybe a free or cheap daycare so both parents can work. Perhaps a short-term loan or a one time gift to keep a family from becoming homeless or having their children wind up in the system. Sometimes, when abuse or severe neglect is going on, it is best to break up the family.

Foster Care: When a family can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t care for their child, and extended family is not an option, foster care can work. It’s not great, and it always depends on the quality of the foster family. Foster care is the direction many countries go to over time. It works, but it’s not an ideal situation. Lack of stability is a real problem as children are moved around for many reasons. Put yourself in a child’s place; if we had to change housing, churches, schools, relationships, etc. every few months, we’d probably have some issues also.

Orphanages: Orphanages have been used for a very long time. Unfortunately, many orphanages around the world are underfunded or run by the wrong people with the wrong motivations. Some outstanding homes do a great job with the children, raising them up to be healthy physically, emotionally, and ready for life. The problem is the great homes are the exception. Many homes are run by people that love children and want to help, but they are in over their heads when it comes to fundraising, staff training, etc. Without solid management, orphanages can be a disaster.

Adoption: Adoption, when it works, can be fantastic. We love to see our children adopted into loving, stable homes. Unfortunately, many children are not adoptable. Once a child is over five years old, the odds of adoption drop to almost nothing. Many children have multiple siblings, or there could be a family member still in the picture that might eventually be able to take them back. For the vast majority of children in any system, adoption doesn’t happen.

Listed above are just four options for children at risk. We need to use them all and stop trying to fit every child into the one system we are personally in favor of. Sometimes a child isn’t a good fit for one particular system of care. You might have heard the saying: “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” If we stay focused on the one solution we have at our disposal, we miss out on the many other tools that might be available. We need to use the correct tool for the job of helping at-risk children. We need to stop hitting kids with a hammer and reach for the right tool.

It’s a Person, Not a Problem

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childHow many people label the recipient of their help, and then the label is all they see: homeless person, orphan, addict, etc. It’s so important in orphan care, and in ministry in general, to see the person and not the problem. We need to move beyond seeing the circumstances and see them as individual people with their own hopes, fears, and histories. God only sees the person; it’s a good model.

One of the best ways to understand someone is to put yourself in their place mentally. To “walk a mile in their shoes.” Most of us (hopefully) have no idea what an orphaned or abandoned child is going through, but it’s so important to try and understand. Before we can reach anyone, they need to know we know them, understand them and have their best interest at heart. In our experience, the most effective staff in our orphanage are the ones with the worst backgrounds. They understand our children. They’ve been there, they know the fear.

If a child is coming into an orphanage or foster care situation, it’s not like anything most people have ever experienced. Think about the times you’ve seen people interviewed after a major fire or tornado. “I’ve lost everything.” is a common response. But have they lost everything? They might have lost their home and belongings but they still have a church, a job, friends, their family is probably still around. And yet, at that moment, “everything is gone.” That is a lot to deal with.

Now, imagine what a child is going through. They actually have lost everything. Their home is gone, it’s likely they won’t see friends or family ever again, they will never go back to their school, odds are all they have in the world is the clothes on their backs. On top of the obvious loss in their lives, they are still very young, so everything is magnified in their minds. When you’re six a week might as well be a year. Any event, good or bad, is seen as huge through a child’s eyes. A child’s reactions haven’t aged to understand that life changes, that peaks and valleys will happen. To a child, something we might brush off becomes the end of the world. Layer that with the fact that children winding up in the system probably never had good role models in their lives to learn how to deal with trials, hardships, and loss in a healthy way. Most of us kind of freak out if we lose our keys or cell phone, imagine what a child is going through who has lost everything.

Recently we took in a group of three siblings. It’s not uncommon for the oldest in a group to be the “parent” if the real parents were either physically or emotionally absent. The ten-year-old was REALLY in charge of his siblings emotionally, and he was in a panic and on the edge of tears. “What if my mom is looking for us?” (We calmly explained that the social worker knows where they are.) “This is an orphanage, what if we get adopted, and our mom wants us back?” (We don’t do that, adoptions are pretty rare with older kids, and sibling groups are almost NEVER adopted.) He didn’t have the name of his community but tried to describe it to us so we could take him home. (His descriptions could have been any one of hundreds of communities around Tijuana.) We slowly and calmly did everything we could to assure him that he and his sibling would be OK.

I’m sharing this to help you put yourself into the mind of a child in the system. Some people respond to the worries and fears of a child by minimizing it. “You’ll be fine.” “Others have gone through this.” “Don’t worry about it.” This type of response does not help. We need to speak to them at their level and give their worries the attention they deserve in their mind.

The problems in our lives are frequently huge in our eyes and seem insurmountable. To God, our problems are tiny. He sees the big picture. He’s seen all this before. But He still hurts for us, listens to us, is there for us. Jesus came to die on the cross but to also walk as man, putting Himself in our place. He knows our trials, our fears, our questions that, in His mind, are simple worries. In His eyes, our problems are passing trivia, but to the children we are, they are crushing stresses in our lives. He hurts for us. He wants to be that loving, encouraging voice telling us we’re going to be OK.

If you work in childcare or any ministry, you need to be that calming voice, that attentive ear to the pains and fears people are going through. In a very real way, we are representing God. We need to be that anchor, that safe place, that understanding ear for the people we are ministering to. See the person, not the problem; walk in Christ’s example.

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Nobody Cares

djschuetze4 Comments

childrenOne of the things we all need to learn in ministry is that just because we’re passionate about something, doesn’t mean everyone else has the same passion. We are all seeing the world through a different prism of our own experiences and callings, and everyone reacts to the needs of the world differently. We’re also all at varying levels of generosity and maturity in our faith.

Several years ago when my wife and I first moved to Mexico, we were just starting out in orphan care. We moved to Mexico because we felt a calling and a passion for helping with the tremendous needs of the children we had met. Several people in our circles were also passionate about orphan care, but at different levels, some people just didn’t care. Everyone is coming from a different place in their lives, and they have different passions. That’s normal. However, one experience early in our ministry still sticks out as a point of frustration, and a lesson that I needed.

When you run an orphanage, you tend to have quite a few people who drop by to see what you’re doing. People frequently drop off donations and want to find out how they can help. We depend on our regular supporters and the many drop-by contributions that we receive to care for our huge family. One day, two people came by and dropped off a small bag of used clothing, nothing unusual about this and we appreciate everything that comes in. After we showed them our facility, and we let them meet the kids, we walked back to their car. They then made a comment that I still remember, “You guys are doing some great work, but from here we’re going to go volunteer for the next two days at the animal shelter in Rosarito.” They went on, “If you, or anyone you know, want to help, please let us know.”

As soon as I heard they were going to an animal rescue center from our orphanage, I mentally rolled my eyes; I might have literally rolled my eyes a little also. I thought to myself, “So, dogs and cats are more important than orphaned and abandoned children. Got it.” I held my tongue with what I wanted to say and told them to have a great time.

It took me a few days of mashing that around to come to terms with someone choosing animals over children, but it was a revelation. Just because you or I am passionate about something doesn’t mean everyone else shares our passion. This sounds obvious but pick any topic, need, or pastime and someone is going to feel it’s important, and that everyone else should feel the same way. Orphan care, homeless people, surfing, or Ohio State football, everyone is passionate about different issues or causes. It’s important to remember that it’s OK, even good, to have different passions. Just because you see a need, doesn’t mean everyone else has to, or can, see the same need. It’s about finding YOUR calling and moving forward with it.

If you’re in missions or run any ministry, the title of this article can really strike home when you’re fundraising: nobody cares. It’s so important to remember that everyone is different, everyone has a different opinion on giving, and everyone is living in their own experience. Not everyone you encounter will give to your mission or cause the way you feel they should. We all need to find those few people who get what we’re working on, and who want to partner with us. Let everyone else find their passion and causes that have nothing to do with us.

Someone asked me recently if it was hard to see someone drive up in an $80,000 car and drop off a few used toys as their only donation. It’s taken me a while to realize that if that’s all they’re doing, it’s still more than most people. The more significant issue is, I can not judge them, I don’t know them, I don’t know their story. I don’t know their passions. They might be giving and sacrificing tremendously in other areas. Most of the time, we just don’t know. That one bag of worn-out clothing or old toys might be the first thing they’ve ever given away in their lives; we need to treat it like gold and thank them for their efforts. If a young child brings you a horrible drawing, you still praise it and appreciate it for what it is, their first effort. We need to encourage people to support and share whenever we see people trying to step out and give or serve. Even if they are giving to, or supporting organizations that we don’t understand or “get.”

It’s not that nobody cares, it’s just that they might care in a way or area that’s different than we do.

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There’s Nothing at the Top

djschuetze1 Comment

light-love-clouds-riverAnyone in missions hears the same one phrase whenever groups are visiting: “They’re poor but so happy.” It’s an interesting observation, and it seems to come from every age group and income level of visiting Americans. What does this say about the culture of US consumerism? Why do we automatically equate our collection of stuff to happiness? If you look at happiness studies (yes, that’s a thing) for the most part, there is no correlation between income and contentment. Once a person’s basic needs are met, more money and more stuff adds nothing to their lives.

Here in Baja Mexico, every year we host a large group that comes down from a very wealthy area in Northern California. This group has been raised with all the worldly goods this life has to offer, and are all on track to ivy league schools. I know many of them are just serving here to add it to their resumes. I’m OK with this because we can still expose them to the “real world,” even if that’s not why they came. With this group, we make it a point to get them out to spend time at various ministries in our area and meet with the leaders. These are ministries working with some of the poorest of the poor and in some of the most challenging areas. Before I send the team, I suggest they watch the leaders who, in most cases, walked away from “successful” lives in America to come and serve the poor. I specifically asked them to watch and see if these leaders seem like they are suffering, or have they found purpose. Are these leaders fighting for a goal that is never within reach? Or have they found profound joy living a life in direct conflict with everything American culture teaches us about what is important? It leads to some great follow-up discussions about what matters in life and what we should be working towards. I want them to see and think about people who have taken a path far different than most of the examples they have in their lives. I want them to experience people of depth and purpose.

Most Americans spend so much time fighting for goals that don’t matter in the bigger scheme of things: the cooler car, the bigger house, more likes or followers on social media. So much of our lives are focused on things that will mean nothing someday when we’re laying on our deathbeds. We need to be working towards impactful, eternal things, goals that move life from drudgery to joy.

This past week many of the news stories have been about two very famous people who both committed suicide. These two people had reached the top of their chosen fields but still did not find enough in this life to keep moving forward. They had attained it all and found it was nothing after all. The default response when these things happen is to blame it on mental illness, that is not always the case. Frequently suicides are triggered by circumstances or events in a person’s life; they reach a point where they can’t deal with what the world is giving, or not giving them. Sometimes people are just worn down by the grind of trying to attain something that is just out of their reach. We will probably never know the real backstory on these two tragic, headline suicides. We do know they both, for whatever reason, had no reason to go on. Once they reached the top and looked around, they found nothing.

Each one of us might attain our own misdirected goals in this life. But whether it’s fame, money, prestige, or titles, they are only an empty, shallow, echo of joy. They might bring some short-term happiness, but it will fill that aching hollow in our lives for a short blip of time. We must find more, we must find purpose, we must find a relationship with our creator.

C.S. Lewis wrote: “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” We need to see the world, and our lives, through the eyes of our savior and redeemer. There is depth and joy in walking in Christ’s example. Most people are not called into missions or even full-time ministry, but we are called to follow Christ’s example of service to others. Walking in the shadow of Christ is brighter, warmer, and more fulfilling than standing in the full sunlight of anything this empty world has to offer.

Don’t spend your time climbing the ladder of success only to tragically find out there is nothing at the top. Have your ladder pointed in the right direction.

_____________________________

If you are in that dark place:

I’ve had two people in my social circles take their own lives in the last few years. Suicide is a tragedy for all those involved and echoes on in the lives of those left behind. If you have reached that point, or think someone in your life might, please seek help. There are people available who can help you. Please reach out to someone or call the number below.

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

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